Learning to rest

Chloe shares what this rest period means to her and how she is changing her relationship to rest in a world that urges you to maximise productivity.

This month starts the Sourced ‘Rest’ season where we are taking a pause to catch up and recalibrate. We have also (belatedly) published our pieces for Rice season.

Read about the resurgence of heirloom rice farming in West Bengal in ‘An Emerging Rice Renaissance in India’ from Sohel Sarkar.

And learn about the brewers and bar owners expanding our understanding of rice-based alcoholic drink traditions from Victoria Burrows in Makgeolli: a rice ‘beer” revival. 

Bad at Rest
Chloe-Rose Crabtree

I have never been very good at sitting still. There has always been a little voice in the back of my head telling me that I could be doing more with that time. It’s the same voice that tells you to monetise your hobbies or take on another side project. But over the last year I have been learning to understand when that voice is propelling me towards self-destruction.

A recovering ‘honor’s’ student, I have realised this need for productivity is rooted in a sense that whatever I am doing could never be enough. The idea that I could do more in pursuit of a mythical perfectionism was driven by the belief that my time couldn't exist as something that belonged to me. Despite being strongly anti-capitalist, the reality of living in a capitalist system means you see your time as money, your rest as a money-suck and as a result you stop valuing your autonomy and human needs.

Reclaiming that for myself has started with my eating habits as I will often forgo a meal in order to keep the momentum of productivity. Even today I had to tell myself out loud that I needed to eat BEFORE writing this newsletter. I had been hungry hours before but felt I needed to organise some emails and social posts before I could take the time to nourish myself. A packet of instant noodles later (which took a total of 8 min to prepare) I no longer feel like my to-do list is insurmountable. I still struggle to stop and eat and often default to a multi-task and eat situation but progress is progress. 

Samyang Chacharoni noodles in a bowl I made for much needed sustenance .

I’ve also taken time to make sure I create just for the sake of creating outside of the creative work I do to make a living. Currently my preferred mediums are pottery, fibre arts and making silly little watercolour cards to send to people. When your paid work is creative, it is hard to remember that you can create just for yourself without ascribing a monetary value to the work you produce. A few years ago I would be trying to figure out how to sell anything I made on Etsy but the joy I find in surprising friends and loved ones with my creations has been worth so much more.

Still, despite all this work I had forgotten to actually physically rest and find value in it. Unfortunately the universe decided to teach me a lesson with a period of intermittent ailments starting with a bout of covid in November that left me exhausted for over a month, a bad fall that made me stay horizontal for much of the holidays and a flu that wiped me out. After 3 months of ill health, I think I am finally in the clear but I’m taking things gently. It’s been a hard adjustment because I want to spring back to ‘normal’ but I have also had to reevaluate what that ‘normal’ really looks like. Right now, it is bi-weekly epsom baths, gentle stretches and giving myself permission to just sit.

There will always be improvements to be made but this year I am going to sit back and feel good about doing less in pursuit of ‘productivity’. No life-hacks for me, just grace and making sure I care for myself so I have capacity to extend that grace and care to my community. 

Reading/ Watching/ Listening 

Spare, Prince Harry

A new favourite evening pastime for my husband and I has been to do dramatic readings from Prince Harry’s memoir while cleaning the kitchen in the evening. I wouldn’t necessarily say it is ‘good’ but it is a fun time.

The Menu

I spent most of this film laughing at its absurdity. Again not ‘good’ but very fun. A great chaser would be to watch Pig with Nicolas Cage afterwards.

Unreal: A Critical History of Reality TV

This podcast looks at the evolution of Reality TV from a British perspective, though there is analysis of some US shows. I smashed through all 11 episodes in a week, if you’re also a reality tv fiend it is definitely worth a listen.